Some individuals are born into narcissistic families where mother and/or father is a narcissist. Narcissistic siblings can be part of the family constellation. Growing up under these psychologically brutal conditions is a matter of survival. No child asks to be placed in the center of such severe family pathology. I have known some individuals who were surrounded by narcissistic family members in childhood. They survived the narcissist wars to become competent, compassionate solid individuals.  This is not easy and most often the exception not the rule. Some children fall by the wayside into a morass of depression and anxiety disorders or psychosomatic illnesses. Others, as a result of their individual temperaments and the psychodynamics within the family,  follow the narcissistic parent's lead and become narcissists. Some children who survive their narcissistic family learn how to become invisible to protect themselves. Others are scapegoats who are routinely attacked by their cruel narcissistic siblings and  parents. Some children find ingenious ways of escaping through their imaginations, writing, art, reading, etc.. They learn to find safe places in their minds where they remove themselves from the psychologically toxic narcissistic household.

Those who grew up in narcissistic families have decisions to make about maintaining any relationship, even the most superficial, with family members. There is the old argument of "keeping peace in the family." What peace?  What home? There never was a family, an authentic attachment or genuine relationship.  Neither warmth, acceptance, mercy or love flowed from the narcissistic parent(s) or siblings. The narcissists to be were idolized for their attractiveness, intellect and artistic gifts that gratified parental egos and created a false image of perfection and superiority.Those who didn't fit the narcissistic parental mode were ignored, neglected, vilified and abused.  They were the "untouchables."  These families are as toxic as a nuclear waste dump. .

If your narcissistic family members are living, it is your decision whether to deal with them or not. There are times when the relationship with a narcissistic relative must be severed. They have caused too much heart ache and emotional distress. Their behavior and attitudes are hermetically sealed in a rigid narcissistic personality structure that will not change. 

Some individuals who grew up in narcissistic families decide to have very limited contact  that they can control. If you choose this route, it  is wise not to be alone with a narcissistic parent for example. The narcissist is always waiting to project  his primitive projections onto you. These fulminations that are ejected from their mouths, wrench your nervous system, disrupt your mood, cause rage and guilt and can give rise to depression and anxiety. You don't deserve this brutal treatment even if you share their gene pool and family heritage. Your narcissistic mother, father, brother, sister, in-laws, aunts, etc., are unmoved by your humanity and will never change. As a child you were a prisoner in the house of narcissistic pathology. As an adult, although you carry the memory of dark childhood days, you have the choice to disengage from your narcissistic relatives and step forward into the life that awaits you and you deeply deserve. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
email:lmlphd@gmail.com