Whether we admit it or not, most of us are impressed, even excited by wealth. The outward trappings of wealth turn our heads, spark envy, create daydreams. We think "if only I was wealthy, I would be free to do and have what I wanted. I wouldn't have to worry any more. I would be independent--answerable to no one, not having to please anyone but myself. I would be be sought after and coveted. That is my secret wish." We are all subject to these compelling fantasies.  There is a difference between having these intermittent longings and devoting one's life to achieving great wealth at the exclusion of anything else. 

There are narcissists who spend every waking moment thinking about money:how much they have and how much they are going to make. (Not all narcissists are wealthy or seek wealth.) They are single minded, obsessed with this goal. Nothing supersedes the pursuit of money in their minds at any given time. If you have ever spent an evening with a narcissist who is obsessed with his wealth, you understand what I am saying. These individuals cannot be distracted from their favorite topic. They are disinterested in any subject unrelated to this life pursuit unless it is connected in some way with wealth. They talk about their elaborate vacations, their recent material acquisitions, their extensive collections (classic cars, homes, fine art)  There is no billion dollar, multi million dollar end point to the amount of money that these narcissists are compelled to acquire. "...some narcissists use the pursuit of wealth to perpetuate their imposing self-images. The material blessings that flow from  wealth and set these individuals apart appeal to the narcissist's grandiloquent view of himself...Members of the (narcissist's) golden circle are lured not only to the magnetic charm of the narcissist but to the protective shield of his (her) wealth." (From "Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist In Your Life")

Those who enter the lives of narcissists are ready to be seduced by his wealth. The reasons for seeking the safety of
money often arise from early childhood issues that have left the individual with feelings of shame, worthlessness and helplessness. Marrying themselves to wealth  provides those who feel emotionally fragile and psychologically empty with a sense of legitimacy, safety and security they never experienced. Acquiring wealth appears to dispel crippling shame. Being married to or aligned with a wealthy narcissist taps into the partner's desire to feel important, even grandiose and superior. Spouses of narcissists feel that total financial security heals past humiliations, degradations and deprivations.  Money lifts us above the pain, providing us with endless distractions.

Pursuing wealth alone is a way of running away from ourselves. Every time the narcissist and a member of his inner circle is faced with a deep psychological or emotional issue,  rather than going within to understand, experience and and resolve it,  there is always an automatic escape hatch---the money that quickly whisks them away. Money and the shallow soothing that it provides becomes a drug. Many spouses are seduced by the narcissist's wealth and lifestyle. After suffering at the hands of sadistic, manipulative, exploitive partners, they still cannot leave a situation that is suffocating them, sucking their potential and taking their independent lives from them. Many continue to live in this seductive delusion. They feel that there are no other alternatives. Others, fully awake now, stand up, walk away and begin lives on their own terms. Now they can breathe and be---the unique individual they were  destined to become. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation
email:lmlphd@gmail.com