Surrounded by his/her inner circle of admirers and followers, the high level successful narcissist is in command. Fueled by those who provide him with constant praise and affirmation, the narcissist ventures forth to complete the many projects that will bring him enhanced power, prestige, and extraordinary monetary compensation.  Within his circle, the narcissist holds forth and holds court. 
He speaks with absolute confidence about his plans for the future.

The inner circle consists of his chosen group of actors, playing different parts at the narcissist's pleasure. They are  "yes men" and "yes women."  The narcissist expects and demands the most positive feedback and complimentary comments to his vision.    Narcissists have blurred psychological boundaries. The treasurer of his company can serve as an officer and a mistress. Being married represents no encumbrance to these arrangements. In fact, infidelity is frequently part of the narcissist's routine behavior. Knowing that he can dominate a willing, adoring sex partner, reinforces his sense of superiority and self entitlement.  

Despite the continuous service and availability of the members of his inner circle,  the narcissist is at loose ends when left alone. If he is an alcoholic he drinks. Sipping himself into a gauzy state of mood elevation and spiraling euphoria, the narcissist finds convivial companions among the spirits. He has a "few drinks", loosens his inhibitions further, and spins even grander delusions. When he is too tipsy to drive and vaguely concerned that he might be stopped for drunk driving (as he has in the past), he calls upon one of his less stuperous companions to give him a lift.

Many narcissists are not alcoholics but all of them lack the psychological "capacity to be alone."  This ability does not mean that a narcissist cannot literally be alone. It refers to attaining a developmental state within the psyche. Dr. D.W. Winnicott, a renowned psychoanalyst, developed this concept. The "capacity to be alone" is the ability to feel comfort, security and ease inside oneself. It begins when the young child, through the warm, consistent care of the mother (father or caregiver), learns over time and constancy, to evoke within himself, positive images and feelings of the internalized parent(s), when he is alone. In the normal child this development takes place by the age of four or five. In the narcissist and among other personality disorders, this psychological process of growth does not occur. As a result the narcissist, despite all of his or her outward accomplishments, evidence of material success, and adulation from the world around him, feels completely empty and devastatingly alone. The narcissist will spend the rest of his life, looking for followers and worshipful companions who act as poor substitutions for the psychological "capacity to be alone", an internal psychological state of security, comfort, and enjoyment of one's own company. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:lmlphd@gmail.com
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