Equanimity is a long word packed with meaning that can change the way you approach narcissists and every moment of your life. It is neither over attachment or aversion to a thought, feeling or circumstance. It is even-mindedness. Lama Surya Das: "True equanimity is not a withdrawal, it is a balanced opening  to all aspects of life. It is an engagement  in the whole of life with composure and with balance of mind, seeing wisely the nature of all things."  

The narcissist is restless, self-absorbed, obsessed with his/her delusions and manipulations. He plots and spins, hustles and seduces to get exactly what he wants. The narcissist is always competing for the Triple Crown. He drives through the final stretch, lashing his horse, threading the needle, endangering other riders, to reach the finish line first. 

The narcissist  is an alchemist of emotional drama. He knows precisely how to cater to our deepest needs for security and to feel wanted and worthy. He promises that he will make our lives easier, even glorious. He offers evidence of this through his generosities: gifts, travel, money. He is there to smooth our pathway, to buffet our uncertainties, and for some, to create a sense of legitimacy.  After all the excitement and thrills of being treated royally, there is a time when the river of gold stops flowing. The reason--your value can no longer be quantified by the narcissist. You are not only off the A- List; you never made the cut. He/she has found someone else with whom to share a better delusional dream. Those discarded by a narcissist have become lint on his favorite tuxedo, easily brushed off with a casual swipe. 

Equanimity is nurtured by practice. One of the oldest is that of regular meditation in whatever form that works for you. Meditation is a discipline that brings consistency of thought and action, increases awareness, steadiness of mind and opens the compassionate heart.  Regular meditation smooths out the wrinkles of our deepest fears, longings and pain burdens. Those who practice meditation regularly discover that they cannot be psychologically, mentally or emotionally thrown by anyone, even a narcissist.

You're in a different race---a quieter, surer one. You are the sea turtle gracefully wending its way along the ocean's purest waters, deepest currents. Beautiful and consistent, you are unhurried and steady. Your prize is the great pearl: a balanced mind and an open heart.  Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:lmlphd@gmail.com