Unconscious Shame of the Shameless Narcissist


Most of us carry some feelings of shame, whether we experience it directly, uncover it in dream and nightmare images, or find it insidiously hidden in the deep crevices of the unconscious. Shame is a psychophysiological feeling of being flawed, inadequate, and worthless. Shame inhabits the core of one's being, shocking in its ability to throw us off our moorings. Shame is not about what we have done that is wrong. It attacks who and what we are, telling us that we are by nature, deficient. Shame is a psychological poison that infiltrates the entire system in an instant. Better the honest prick of a needle than the engulfing suffocation of shame.  

Beneath the brazen shamelessness of the narcissist lies a chronic intractable shame, like a cancer hidden deeply within the body's organs. This shame grows early in childhood due to the parent(s) using their child to compensate for their own feelings of inadequacy and  their wild delusions to create a perfect person. The parent of the narcissist does not love his/her child for what he is but rather for what he will become to make them feel proud and superior.  The narcissist to be is a puppet of the parent(s). This child is not taught to be considerate or sensitive to the feelings of others. The parent has seized on certains traits of  the child (physical attractiveness, intellectual brilliance, artistic gifts, athletic skills) to mold an impeccable being. The child believes on many levels that indeed he/she is superior, entitled to do whatever he wants without exception. As this budding narcissist grows, this son or daughter becomes ruthless, exploitive, self absorbed and lacks empathy.

The narcissist, especially those who are very successful, move through life like they are better than anyone else and untouched by the shadows of fate. They create their own luck and fortune because they are so superior. But they protest too much. Narcissists give themselves away by overcompensating with their ruthless, unswerving drive to power, their sadistic treatment of spouses,business partners, siblings, friends, even their children. Narcissists require constant praise and admiration. In the depths of the unconscious, the narcissist is psychologically alone, empty, incapable of love and , yes, consumed with shame. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:lmlphd@gmail.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 5/12/2009 12:00 PM
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships
Tags: unconscious shame of the narcissist consumed with shame incapable of love and empathy
 

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