Many spouses of narcissists consciously or unconsciously continue to live with them, despite the varieties of abuse they endure, constant irrational demands, psychological suffocation and physical maladies suffered as a result of this arrangement.  Some spouses unknowingly give themselves up like martyrs to a cause. They expect that this is their role: to obey and serve. Other partners sincerely believe that they can make changes in their own behavior that will shift the narcissist enough to make the partnership work. They say to themselves: "I can change him/her by making myself better - controlling my words, being more patient, less spontaneous, becoming more understanding of my spouse's psychological wounds." 

Will you keep making excuses for the narcissist who hurts you? Can you continue to live with a narcissist, recognizing that he or she suffers from a severe personality disorder at the expense of diminishing your own life? Are the perks, promises and lifestyle worth it? The narcissist is not going to change. You are not responsible for his/her serious, deeply ingrained, rigid personality disorder. The narcissist is insulted and enraged by the slightest hint that he needs professional help. That's your department.  

When you are psychologically fused with a narcissist, the real self of the partner recedes and for some, disappears.
The psychological and physical burdens (often in the form of illness) are carried by the spouse or partner of the narcissist.  The narcissist bears no weight other than the infused pleasure and manic highs of his ego satisfactions. While the narcissist is crowned with praise, power and monetary success, the spouse is drained and enervated by incessant criticisms, undermining, humiliations and betrayals. It is the narcissist's nature to draw blood. The amount is determined by what the other party will take. What price will you pay? Are you willing to lose yourself  as the wave of the narcissist's delusions and their horrific aftermath engulfs you? You can make the choice for life---your life. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com


Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:lmlphd@gmail.com