Narcissist's Hated Betes Noires
Bete Noire, the French phrase for "black beast", aptly describes the enemies, real and imagined, that the narcissist obsessively creates. The narcissist must have a bete noire, an enemy to defeat and annihilate as part of his or her psychological operating structure. Deep down the narcissist is paranoid, ever suspicious that his power, status, possessions and money will be taken from him. Ironically, the narcissist doesn't have to go out of his way to imagine enemies. He is constantly manufacturing them by means of his cruel, perfidious, manipulative and exploitive behaviors toward everyone in his life. There are those whom he chooses as permanent devotees who will destroy themselves to preserve their masochistic relationship with the narcissist. The narcissist simply uses these individuals to fulfill his demands for total obedience, emotional acquiescence, and veneration.
Those who cross the narcissist, assert themselves and are unwilling to bow and kiss his ring, are in the line of fire to become betes noires. You are seen as an pernicious impediment to his achieving and luxuriating in the total power and control to which he is entitled. You have become the horrible brute, the one he must destroy. One of the narcissist's darkest games is to hold his enemy close, to delude this person into believing that he or she is a valued partner in his enterprise. The high level narcissist is such a fine actor, that even the most sophisticated individuals are taken into his sticky web, run through his exquisitely painful ringer, and discarded.
Learning to identify the narcissist's malevolent moves, recognizing that this is part of his delusional system and re-asserting and re-affirming your own healthy narcissism, will enable you to remain consciously detached and confront these machinations with clarity, dispassion and integrity. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:@grail.com
Those who cross the narcissist, assert themselves and are unwilling to bow and kiss his ring, are in the line of fire to become betes noires. You are seen as an pernicious impediment to his achieving and luxuriating in the total power and control to which he is entitled. You have become the horrible brute, the one he must destroy. One of the narcissist's darkest games is to hold his enemy close, to delude this person into believing that he or she is a valued partner in his enterprise. The high level narcissist is such a fine actor, that even the most sophisticated individuals are taken into his sticky web, run through his exquisitely painful ringer, and discarded.
Learning to identify the narcissist's malevolent moves, recognizing that this is part of his delusional system and re-asserting and re-affirming your own healthy narcissism, will enable you to remain consciously detached and confront these machinations with clarity, dispassion and integrity. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:@grail.com
Posted by LindaMartinezLewi at 5/8/2009 8:50 AM 
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissist
Tags: bete noire re-assert your healthy narcissism narcissist's enemies black beast
Categories: self help, narcissism, mental health, interpersonal relationships, narcissist
Tags: bete noire re-assert your healthy narcissism narcissist's enemies black beast
i cannot believe how accurately, this site etc. spells out exactly what i have lived recently and the person i met.
it is earie to realize that this personality can be so described..as you feel this person could only be one out there as evil/bizarre and then at times so nice.
i unfortunately married a narcissist, who pushed for us to get married and acted like he "loved" me..
then left a week after the marriage...
of course with me to pay all his rent
as well as my own(at my old apart)..
etc.
i went to being an enemy practically overnight..
everything about me, that was okay before, such as spiritual beliefs etc..
was suddently i big horrible thing for him...and i was blamed for this as well as many other things.
the personality did start comming out about a few weeks before we were married and i wish i would have had the
strenght to get away.
after the marriage and he left the true rage, self grandiose personality, self everything came out..as well as the paranoia, verbal abuse....total craziness.
it was as in your article..as i would not bow and "kiss his feet"
he had no empathy for me or for my feelings for marrying him etc..
and it was as if he reveled in leaving me and see the suffering.
before the marriage when i was concerned and not sure..he berated me for being not sure..
stating that "he had made a comittment before God" at that marriage is for life etc..
and that i should not have said yes to his proposal if i wanted to back out..
when i finally made a decision and married him...he then left me as if i were a piece of nothing.
Reply to this
I am trying to get out of a relationship with a narcissist right now. He's been trying to get my money (which I really don't have that much) but evidently he wants all of it. I just told him that it's all tied up in investments and that I have to cut back. He said that that's fine, but I know he's scheming right now. I can't seem to cut this guy loose. I've changed the locks, I've asked him to leave but he's always back with his charming self instead of that other mean character (that's for later when he thinks he's got me)
The only bright spot for you is that he's finally gone. I would do anything to get rid of this one. It started out like a dream come true and now it's a nightmare that won't end.
Reply to this