We all need strong egos, that solid sense of self that identifies us as a unique "I".  Well developed egos are at the central core of the personality. The healthy ego provides us with feelings of self worth, self respect, the ability to take initiative and to protect and assert ourselves when we are treated with disrespect and cruelty.  A strong healthy ego rises to our aid when we make mistakes or missteps and when we are criticized. It provides us with the capacity to acknowledge that we have fallen short but that we always have the opportunity to perform better the next time. The healthy ego is a source of comfort under stress and pressure and provides us with psychological ballast throughout our lives. A strong ego is flexible and adaptable, strong but facile, assertive but not defensive.

The narcissist's grandiose ego is fixed and brittle like an ancient piece of kindling. Although they exude superiority and an overblown sense of self entitlement, the narcissistic ego is subject to the tiniest psychological bruising. If you are not constantly stroking the narcissist, he or she will accuse you of not caring about them, of treating them dismissively.  Even if you do everything for the narcissist at the expense of your time, energy and productivity, it is never enough. Despite his grand delusions and cries of superiority, deep down the narcissist feels empty, helpless and spent. Because he does not have access to authentic internalized  loving parental figures but has developed a false grandiose self, the narcissist is locked in an unending  pattern of psychological  hunger followed by temporary satiation, followed by psychological hunger. The narcissist must always turn outward to find the ego foods (constant praise, accolades, compliments, etc.) that will satisfy his voracious appetite for validation and his delusional belief that he is a superior being. 

The smallest omission on your part of how indispensable he or she is to you and everyone else activates a deep intolerable unconscious feeling of emptiness in the narcissist which manifests as volcanic rage. This bottomless rage cannot be stopped. It has a life of its own and like any volcano, follows its own rules of Nature not ours. When we look down at the bubbling hot burning maw of a volcano, it is best to retreat to a safe location. Visit mywebsite:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D
email:lmlphd@gmail.com