Many siblings can barely tolerate one another. Others make their peace and learn to respect the indivdivuality and differences between them. Many siblings keep brothers and sisters at a distance and maintain surface relationships. Some siblings genuinely love one another and form a lifelong bond. Other siblings create a family among themselves in order to survive and withstand the emotional terror and havoc of neglectful, psychologically unstable, and abusive parents. 

One family dynamic is that of the narcissistic parent(s) who selects one child to be the chosen one. Often this child is physically attractive, mentally bright, athletically superior, or artistically gifted.  In many instances athleticism and mental brilliance are the qualities that the narcissistic parent  focuses on to mold this perfect child. All positive attention is placed on this member of the family. If the area is athletics, the favored one is the prime focus. The parents attend all of his/her practices and games. The constant talk in the house and among friends is about this star child who is so gifted academically or athletically or both.  The other children in the family are made invisible by all of the attention brought to bear on this one individual. The chosen child believes what his parent(s) tells him and recognizes his superiority by the way he is treated. He or she does not have to abide by the rules that apply to his other siblings or anyone else.  Excuses are always made for his shortcomings. Children treated in this way often become narcissistic personality disorders. 

Being the sibling of a narcissistic brother or sister is a painful role. No matter what this child achieves it will never equal the super star performance of the budding narcissist in the eyes of the parent(s).  Trophies and medals for sports and academic honors are arranged in shrines around the house, paying homage to this extraordinary child.  There is no breathing space or growing room for the individuality of the other children in the household. These siblings live in the shadow of the narcissistic golden child. They are part of the stage set, the atmosphere, the bit players. They live around the edges of the family, waiting for psychological crumbs of recognition to come their way.  Some siblings of narcissists rebel from the family by acting out with drugs and alcohol.  Many of them work through the wounds of neglect and unfair treatment in psychotherapy.  They learn to appreciate and love themselves.  They recognize that their exalted sibling, though mightily praised and rewarded in the world, is completely empty inside.  He or she will never grow or evolve and become whole. He will never be real or experience the capacity to love deeply. The sibling of the narcissist through the experience of treatment of his psychological wounds can move forward to lead a life, rich in love, compassion and the flowering of his unique gifts. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
email:lmlphd@gmail.com 
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