A whirlwind relationship with a highly accomplished narcissist is a heady experience.  He or she zeros in on you like you are the most attractive, bright, gifted human being he has ever met. The narcissist's magnetism is palatable. You feel more alive, excited, optimistic, a bit tipsy.  He or she knows just what to say and how to deliver perfect lines. A high level narcissist is brilliant at reeling most people in.  He is impressive, takes command, has extraordinary confidence, exudes optimism and a compelling grandiosity that says: "you and I can do and achieve anything together; there are no limits."

The narcissist is constantly restless, looking for the next big wave that will yield him greater recognition, monetary rewards, accolades and adulation. The narcissist is offering to share his next climb with you. He puts your hand in his. The moment is irresistible. Many are carried away. As the classic song tells us: It is a "'trip to the moon on gossamer wings, just one of those things."  After spending some time at this level of being adored and taken care of, the elaborate balloon comes down to earth.
Slowly but surely the riddle of the narcissistic personality make itself apparent. The criticisms begin, the hidden manipulations, and of course, the ingrained pattern of lying. Then come the intimidations and primitive projections. The narcissist is ignorant of his or her inner self. When questioned or crossed, his defenses flair; he bares his sharp teeth.  The verbal recriminations coming from him are cold, cruel and about him not you.  Nevertheless, they deliver a painful sting.  Some partners of narcissists blame themselves when they are attacked unjustly. Deep inside, they still feel unworthy and lack self respect. They absorb and internalize the narcissist's projections.

Others decide it is time to get off the narcissist's dizzy merry-go-round and stand firmly on the ground of their own reality.  Feeling the earth under your feet is a physical and psychological relief.  To learn more about the psychodynamics, games, traps and machinations of the narcissistic personality and how to successfully handle them, visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.