Narcissists, especially those who are very successful, exude a special energy of grandiosity, self confidence, superiority and  riveting charm. A skillful narcissist can work a room with the back of his hand. The smile is wide, the teeth sparkle, the handshake is very firm and self assured. Narcissists often travel with a retinue of admirer s. They are on his or her team and ready to take orders 24/7. They keep the narcissist's ego well inflated.Narcissists love the spotlight. Standing in front of an audience and sharing his wisdom with those in attendance feeds the narcissist's ego like mother's milk.  This is the public face of the narcissist.  We look at him and her and feel a twinge of envy. 'Why can't I be that sure of myself? "Why am I afraid to present myself publicly? "  "He speaks and acts with extraordinary confidence.  It is hard not to believe everything he is saying."  This is the narcissist's grandiose persona, that part of himself that he displays to the world.  

Beneath this elaborate show with the music, costumes, gestures and dialogue, lies the inner core of the narcissist.  This is the unconscious part of him that feels a gnawing emptiness. These are feelings of severe wounding and intractable aloneness. This deep inner core is covered by the narcissist's rigid defense mechanisms. One of them is the projection of his or her darkest, cruelest feelings onto others, especially those close to him. In a one on one relationship with a narcissist, eventually you will be the recipient of his hellish, brutal psychological projections. All of his self hatred will be ejected onto you. You will feel the attack,  the exquisite terror that he evokes in you. Being the recipient of this invective is exceedingly painful and frightening. This is evidence of the powerful unconscious rage always actively present in the narcissist's psyche. Becoming aware of  the narcissist's spewing  wrath and learning to protect yourself from its trajectory is a vital part of your psychological growth and individuation. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com

Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.