When we are children, many of us are at the mercy of our parents. Some children are blessed with kind, empathic parents. Others happen upon mothers and fathers who are good enough. Many are saddled with poor excuses for parents--those who abandon us physically, emotionally or both. And there are intolerable parents who are psychotic, sadistic, narcissistic, or have various combinations of psychological disorders. Children do the best they can to survive. Within a family, given the same parents, one child will survive the worst conditions; another will have a much more painful experience.
Eventually, the goal is to separate and individuate from the parents to become a separate, independent, solid human being who uses his/her talents, intellectual capacities to lead a successful life on every level.
Those who marry narcissists are trapped by them by a golden thread. The narcissist is so compelling and beguiling that before we know it we are seduced and eventually trapped. The narcissist creates a psychological labyrinth for his partner. "A labyrinth is a complex series of winding paths, similar to a maze...a labyrinth forces the walker to follow a specific serpentine path." The narcissist designs and orchestrates the labyrinth that the spouse must walk. Those married to narcissists eventually feel helpless since they must continue the strict pathway the narcissist has set for them. There are to be deviations. The spouse cannot be herself or himself---everything--the way you think and feel and act is decided by the narcissist. Often people in these situations have told me they felt they would never escape.
At some tipping point many of those imprisoned by the narcissist find the courage, strength, fortitude and sheer will to break through the boundaries of the labyrinth and run free (often for the first time in their lives).
The narcissistic spouse is often shocked by this independent behavior. His threats no longer work, his recriminations are impotent---You have asserted the center of the true self that no one can vanquish. As you move further and further away from your lost years in the labyrinth, you are infused with great energy, creative reserve, an abiding peace and grateful joy---and a deep sense of the preciousness of all of life. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Freeing Yourself From the Narcissist in Your Life
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Narcissistic Parents Can Psychologically Destroy Their Children
Download | Duration: 00:03:24
He or she might not be a sociopath who commits outright crimes but narcissists do tremendous psychological and emotional damage to their children. Their psychopathological presence day after day has a profound effect on a small child. For the narcissist mother or father, the child is an object, a narcissistic supply that enhances his ego. The child is there is to make him look good, for others to view him in the sterling role of "good father." Some narcissistic mothers and fathers "mold" their children to become perfect facsimiles of themselves. Small children are groomed to become geniuses in academia, superior athletes, professional entertainers, high tech savants, etc. If the child doesn't satisfy the narcissistic parent's expectations he is cast aside. Being forced to become someone other than yourself is devastating to a small child. Being false to one's true self causes psychological chaos in the young psyche. As the child grows, the pathology grows. Some of these children become narcissists. Others are outcasts, scapegoats who are made to feel ashamed and worthless. Many children of narcissists never work through or recover from having a narcissistic parent. They suffer in a myriad of ways. They feel like frauds. Some are ashamed and confused about their true identities and go on to move into dysfunctional marriages, often to narcissists.
Some children survive the narcissistic parent, assert their true identities, fight for it and individuate out of the narcissistic family. I have heard of many cases of these strong, persevering individuals who have won this uphill battle. One lesson is to research, observe and study every facet of the narcissistic personality so that you will not place your marital fate and that of your children in the hands of a narcissist. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The exhibitionistic Narcissist
Download | Duration: 00:04:49
Exhibitionism is the act or practice of deliberately behaving to attract attention to oneself. (I am not speaking of the perversion)
Many narcissists are exhibitionists, constantly attracting attention to themselves, many through their impeccable physical appearance, their clothing, their grand gestures, their incessant self reference talk. This is the elaborate mask. Some narcissistic couples play off one another like they are on stage and the audience is about to clap wildly for them. You have the narcissist who comes with entourage, his/her adoring audience. When the party is over, the meeting completed, the dinner plates put away and you are alone---the transformation takes place. The voice turns cold, cruel. The face reddens with rage; the accusations begins; the criticisms start anew. Time passes and the narcissist is called to his public and there he is ---embodied perfection--like he's been walking in the spotlight all of his life. I hear from so many who have witnessed this double act too many times and are suffering horribly. They are the victims of the narcissist's psychological duality.
The beginning of healing from or avoiding entanglement with the narcissist is to learn about every facet of their personality and to develop skills and strategies for protecting yourself and keep you growing as a solid separate individual. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Don't Let the Narcissist Get the Better of You
Download | Duration: 00:04:09
Narcissists always have to win even if the contest is rigged. Whether you are in a business arrangement, a marriage, a custody battle, the narcissist will insist on vanquishing you even when the truth and the law are on your side. Narcissists are clever at using their material resources and influence to "persuade" others that they are right even when the opposite is true. This is easier for the narcissist than most mortals because he/she doesn't have a conscience. The narcissistic frame of reference for a conscience is not getting caught and the cover-up.
In marital relationships the narcissist is absolutely charming and socially appropriate in public. Everyone is congratulating you: "How lucky you are to be married to such a fascinating and delightful man." "He is extraordinary on every level." Some people are envious of those who are married to narcissistic spouses, never realizing how wretched they are in private. I hear this comment so often from those who write to me about their marriage horrors.
If you are not going along with the narcissist's program of waiting on him/her, satisfying every need on his timetable (which means instantaneously) taking his outrageous criticisms to heart, and providing him with a steady stream of adulation---you are in trouble. The narcissist turns very ugly and tries to pick you apart, piece by piece. He is loud, in your face, making false accusations, screaming epithets, shaming you. So often spouses cower and are bent low and feel like they being drowned by this constant onslaught of negativity. Many spouses give in and tell themselves and their mate that they will try harder and do it better the next time. They promise. This is letting the narcissist get the better of you. He is not only running your life; he is metaphorically taking it away from you. All of your energy is spent being his servant and recovering from his tirades.
You can stop this pathological cycle. The narcissist isn't going to change. You can reclaim your life. You have a decision to make. Can you stay with the narcissistic spouse and learn how to be emotionally detached and not take his tirades and demands seriously. Can you move on to nurture your own gifts and energies in directions of your choosing. Or is this impossible under the circumstances. Is it time to sever the relationship formally. I say formally because marriage to a narcissist is not a true marriage. There is no true reciprocation and love, no mutual respect, no empathy, no intertwined values.
Think carefully about your priorities and let your intuition lead the way together with detailed research about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
In marital relationships the narcissist is absolutely charming and socially appropriate in public. Everyone is congratulating you: "How lucky you are to be married to such a fascinating and delightful man." "He is extraordinary on every level." Some people are envious of those who are married to narcissistic spouses, never realizing how wretched they are in private. I hear this comment so often from those who write to me about their marriage horrors.
If you are not going along with the narcissist's program of waiting on him/her, satisfying every need on his timetable (which means instantaneously) taking his outrageous criticisms to heart, and providing him with a steady stream of adulation---you are in trouble. The narcissist turns very ugly and tries to pick you apart, piece by piece. He is loud, in your face, making false accusations, screaming epithets, shaming you. So often spouses cower and are bent low and feel like they being drowned by this constant onslaught of negativity. Many spouses give in and tell themselves and their mate that they will try harder and do it better the next time. They promise. This is letting the narcissist get the better of you. He is not only running your life; he is metaphorically taking it away from you. All of your energy is spent being his servant and recovering from his tirades.
You can stop this pathological cycle. The narcissist isn't going to change. You can reclaim your life. You have a decision to make. Can you stay with the narcissistic spouse and learn how to be emotionally detached and not take his tirades and demands seriously. Can you move on to nurture your own gifts and energies in directions of your choosing. Or is this impossible under the circumstances. Is it time to sever the relationship formally. I say formally because marriage to a narcissist is not a true marriage. There is no true reciprocation and love, no mutual respect, no empathy, no intertwined values.
Think carefully about your priorities and let your intuition lead the way together with detailed research about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Don't Let the Narcissist Get the Better of You
Narcissists always have to win even if the contest is rigged. Whether you are in a business arrangement, a marriage, a custody battle, the narcissist will insist on vanquishing you even when the truth and the law are on your side. Narcissists are clever at using their material resources and influence to "persuade" others that they are right even when the opposite is true. This is easier for the narcissist than most mortals because he/she doesn't have a conscience. The narcissistic frame of reference for a conscience is not getting caught and the cover-up.
In marital relationships the narcissist is absolutely charming and socially appropriate in public. Everyone is congratulating you: "How lucky you are to be married to such a fascinating and delightful man." "He is extraordinary on every level." Some people are envious of those who are married to narcissistic spouses, never realizing how wretched they are in private. I hear this comment so often from those who write to me about their marriage horrors.
If you are not going along with the narcissist's program of waiting on him/her, satisfying every need on his timetable (which means instantaneously) taking his outrageous criticisms to heart, and providing him with a steady stream of adulation---you are in trouble. The narcissist turns very ugly and tries to pick you apart, piece by piece. He is loud, in your face, making false accusations, screaming epithets, shaming you. So often spouses cower and are bent low and feel like they being drowned by this constant onslaught of negativity. Many spouses give in and tell themselves and their mate that they will try harder and do it better the next time. They promise. This is letting the narcissist get the better of you. He is not only running your life; he is metaphorically taking it away from you. All of your energy is spent being his servant and recovering from his tirades.
Be aware that you can stop this pathological cycle. The narcissist isn't going to change. You can reclaim your life. You have a decision to make. Can you stay with the narcissistic spouse and learn how to be emotionally detached and not take his tirades and demands seriously. Can you move on to nurture your own gifts and energies in directions of your choosing. Or is this impossible under the circumstances. Is it time to sever the relationship formally. I say formally because marriage to a narcissist is not a true marriage. There is no true reciprocation and love, no mutual respect, no empathy, no intertwined values.
Think carefully about your priorities and let your intuition lead the way together with detailed research about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
In marital relationships the narcissist is absolutely charming and socially appropriate in public. Everyone is congratulating you: "How lucky you are to be married to such a fascinating and delightful man." "He is extraordinary on every level." Some people are envious of those who are married to narcissistic spouses, never realizing how wretched they are in private. I hear this comment so often from those who write to me about their marriage horrors.
If you are not going along with the narcissist's program of waiting on him/her, satisfying every need on his timetable (which means instantaneously) taking his outrageous criticisms to heart, and providing him with a steady stream of adulation---you are in trouble. The narcissist turns very ugly and tries to pick you apart, piece by piece. He is loud, in your face, making false accusations, screaming epithets, shaming you. So often spouses cower and are bent low and feel like they being drowned by this constant onslaught of negativity. Many spouses give in and tell themselves and their mate that they will try harder and do it better the next time. They promise. This is letting the narcissist get the better of you. He is not only running your life; he is metaphorically taking it away from you. All of your energy is spent being his servant and recovering from his tirades.
Be aware that you can stop this pathological cycle. The narcissist isn't going to change. You can reclaim your life. You have a decision to make. Can you stay with the narcissistic spouse and learn how to be emotionally detached and not take his tirades and demands seriously. Can you move on to nurture your own gifts and energies in directions of your choosing. Or is this impossible under the circumstances. Is it time to sever the relationship formally. I say formally because marriage to a narcissist is not a true marriage. There is no true reciprocation and love, no mutual respect, no empathy, no intertwined values.
Think carefully about your priorities and let your intuition lead the way together with detailed research about the narcissistic personality disorder. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Become Whole-You Don't Need the Narcissist
Download | Duration: 00:02:57
We are always a work in progress--like a great painting, a bubbling spring, a snow melt waterfall, tendrils of fresh new leaves. We look to Nature and always find movement. We were created to grow, to move, to become.
The narcissist is stuck. He or she may appear to be advancing at warp speed in his profession, acquisitions, power grabs. Inside the narcissist is developmentally arrested. He is a petulant child, a false self who unconsciously feels empty and worthless.
When we wake up, even for a short time, and recognize that we have attached ourselves to a severe personality disorder that is most unlikely to change, many decide to make the shift and leap to change themselves.
The true self, that which is most genuine within us, is always moving toward wholeness and healing. This is a natural law. When we provide the conditions for healing---the barriers come down, the obstacles are removed and we move forward toward a new perception of ourselves that has been waiting to receive us for a long time. Wholeness is is not achieved automatically. It requires consistent work, commitment and discipline. So often we feel the pull of getting off track, the temptation to return to the narcissist and the compelling desire of going back into the narcissist's delusional world. It is so irresistible.
There comes a tipping point when we can no longer return to that delusional world. We have suffered too much, know ourselves too well and have had a taste of the sweet aroma, the healing sound, the endless psychological and spiritual bounty of wholeness. We follow the intuitive thread, the part of us that has been present within us since birth and that speaks in a clear voice--Be well, whole, at peace. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
The narcissist is stuck. He or she may appear to be advancing at warp speed in his profession, acquisitions, power grabs. Inside the narcissist is developmentally arrested. He is a petulant child, a false self who unconsciously feels empty and worthless.
When we wake up, even for a short time, and recognize that we have attached ourselves to a severe personality disorder that is most unlikely to change, many decide to make the shift and leap to change themselves.
The true self, that which is most genuine within us, is always moving toward wholeness and healing. This is a natural law. When we provide the conditions for healing---the barriers come down, the obstacles are removed and we move forward toward a new perception of ourselves that has been waiting to receive us for a long time. Wholeness is is not achieved automatically. It requires consistent work, commitment and discipline. So often we feel the pull of getting off track, the temptation to return to the narcissist and the compelling desire of going back into the narcissist's delusional world. It is so irresistible.
There comes a tipping point when we can no longer return to that delusional world. We have suffered too much, know ourselves too well and have had a taste of the sweet aroma, the healing sound, the endless psychological and spiritual bounty of wholeness. We follow the intuitive thread, the part of us that has been present within us since birth and that speaks in a clear voice--Be well, whole, at peace. Visit my website:www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Defusing the Power of the Narcissistic Mother-in-Law
Download | Duration: 00:04:13
Mothers-in-laws are the subject of innumerable jokes. If you have a narcissistic mother-in-law, it isn't funny. It's painful, unpredictable, exasperating and emotionally draining. There are specific character traits that give these individuals away. The narcissist is consummately self absorbed, controlling, demanding, manipulative, deceitful and, very important-----lacks empathy. If she is very clever, the narcissist starts out with her charm offensive. She's all aglow, meeting your eyes with fascination and deep interest. It feels like this woman actually cares about you and wants to deepen the relationship. This is the lure and bait she uses to convince you that her positive intentions are genuine. There is nothing authentic about a narcissist. These individuals have been operating as false grandiose selves since childhood. Their acts are impeccably played. They fool the best of us.
Unless she is distracted by something monumental in her life, she will stick her nose into yours by meddling in all of our personal business. If you don't cooperate about her orchestrations, she will make every effort to turn her son, your spouse against you with vicious lies, secrets about your family background, the steady clever drip of criticisms about the way you handle your children, balance your career, friends, not to leave out, her opinion of your sordid family background. Much of this sniping is done behind your back---in the shadows where people speak in whispers and say "Don't tell", know that this private information will be broadcasted widely and cause maximum psychological harm to it prospective victim.
In this tough situation, call upon yourself and your spouse. You don't deserve to be treated with scorn and duplicity by anyone, including a family member. Speak the truth and let her know with civility and clarity that you deserve respect. It is you and your spouse's role to make the boundaries clear. He must be assertive with his mother when she has stepped over the line---and if she is a narcissist bent on meddling, she will.
Maintain a sense of psychological steadiness by focusing on your top priorities. Sometimes it is possible to work with a narcissistic mother-in-law by consistently and calmly making the boundaries clear. In other instances, if the in-law is particularly recalcitrant, family interaction is limited or in severe cases, severed.
You cannot change a narcissistic mother-in-law who is out to control and destroy every one's individuality, inner peace and sense of joy. You can be and change yourself. That is what is required of us----to play our parts on this earth with integrity, authenticity, compassion sprinkled with a hearty dose of humor. Visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
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Revenge-The Narcissist's Bruised Ego
Download | Duration: 00:04:33
The word revenge originates from the French--revanche. It means to take vengeance, to apply punishment that is destructive to the other. The noun revenge has been with us since the 1540's.
Narcissist's expect everyone, through their words, gestures and behaviors to mirror them perfectly. If you fail to do this in their eyes (and they are always looking for imperfection in others not themselves) it causes an unconscious bruise in their brittle egos. Even the smallest mistake or what the narcissist perceives as your mistake will result in the spewing of dark rage. If you do not go along to get along with them perfectfly and buck them, you are bumping up against an inflexible grandiose ego and there will be hell to pay.
People get into trouble calling someone a narcissist (especially if they are one). This revelation does not have a positive response from the narcissist. He or she fumes and discounts what you are saying as a lie and an insult. I don't recommend doing this. Keep your own thoughts to yourself in these instances. Ultimately, the choice is yours. Learn to recognize the narcissist very quickly through intense study---this is well worth your time and concentration. You will be able to feel the narcissist's energy field and vibration and step away from the narcissistic emotional and psychological juggernaut.
Appreciate your own healthy ego--solid and flexible like a beautiful palm tree that swings and sways in the winds, taking in what Nature brings. It bends with grace. Unlike the narcissist's grandiose ego which is brittle and splitting at times, yours is free to move and grow with strength. adaptability and creativity. To learn more about the many facets and faces of the narcissistic personality, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Buy the Book: amazon.com
Email: lmlphd@theNarcissistinyourlife.com
Dealing with a Narcissist-Speak and Live Truth
Download | Duration: 00:02:39
The narcissist's life is a lie. Narcissists create their own reality of grand delusion. Most people believe the narcissist and many adore him if he is very successful, charming and irresistable.
Once you know who the narcissist really is , you can make a variety of decisions. When you go against what you know is true, you are making yourself both the enemy and the victim. As you become more aware of the truth about the narcissist, you will discover secrets he is withholding form you, manipulations and deceptions he has spawned and horrible emotional and psychological damage he/she has caused others.
When you give energy and force to your own power and sever yourself emotionally and psychologically from the narcissist, you are moving forward and the next cycle of your life begins. To learn about every facet of the narcissistic personality disorder, visit my website: www.thenarcissistinyourlife.com
Linda Martinez-Lewi, Ph.D.
Telephone Consultation: United States and International
Book: Freeing Yourself from the Narcissist in Your Life
Email: lmlphd@thenarcissistinyourlife.com
